Barista. Balletomane. Nerd.
Oh, lookit that, I dyed my hair indeed.  Fuck off, Snow White!
So maybe I woke up today having successfully gotten the day off as I really needed a mental health day very excited because the plan was to see Prometheus with Kaelen and Matt.  I thought we were shooting to see it around three, so I worked out before I showered, did my hair and made a point of doing my makeup.  
Then Kaelen let me know we might be going a bit later, as Bryn and Kenny had decided to go to the river and Matt was apparently going to the gym after work.  I said just to keep me posted.
And now… I dunno.  I feel like every time I get myself excited for an outing with friends - especially these days when I look forward to them so pathetically - I tend to get let down a lot.  I’m sitting here waiting for a response from Kaelen, wondering if they went without me, or if they’ve just decided to see it another time and forgot to let me know.
I know it’s in my head, that I’ll probably hear from someone soon, but this happens a lot, where I find myself filled with anticipation to see people and have fun, getting myself dolled up, and then I end up sitting on my hands staring at my facebook indicator and constantly checking my phone, waiting to hear from someone.  
I realize I have a problem here.
Good news is Dad gave me the number of a highly recommended therapist who said she’d like me to get in touch with her.  After having quite a panic attack/meltdown on Friday that almost led to dangerous things, it’s probably good for me to get more help.  Just not a process I’m done with.
Hoping to get out of the house tonight.  Work from 6:30am to 3:00pm tomorrow.  Not looking forward to it.

Oh, lookit that, I dyed my hair indeed.  Fuck off, Snow White!

So maybe I woke up today having successfully gotten the day off as I really needed a mental health day very excited because the plan was to see Prometheus with Kaelen and Matt.  I thought we were shooting to see it around three, so I worked out before I showered, did my hair and made a point of doing my makeup.  

Then Kaelen let me know we might be going a bit later, as Bryn and Kenny had decided to go to the river and Matt was apparently going to the gym after work.  I said just to keep me posted.

And now… I dunno.  I feel like every time I get myself excited for an outing with friends - especially these days when I look forward to them so pathetically - I tend to get let down a lot.  I’m sitting here waiting for a response from Kaelen, wondering if they went without me, or if they’ve just decided to see it another time and forgot to let me know.

I know it’s in my head, that I’ll probably hear from someone soon, but this happens a lot, where I find myself filled with anticipation to see people and have fun, getting myself dolled up, and then I end up sitting on my hands staring at my facebook indicator and constantly checking my phone, waiting to hear from someone.  

I realize I have a problem here.

Good news is Dad gave me the number of a highly recommended therapist who said she’d like me to get in touch with her.  After having quite a panic attack/meltdown on Friday that almost led to dangerous things, it’s probably good for me to get more help.  Just not a process I’m done with.

Hoping to get out of the house tonight.  Work from 6:30am to 3:00pm tomorrow.  Not looking forward to it.

  1. shespeakseasy said: Your hair looks great! And I’m sorry people let you down—that’s definitely not a problem with you, that’s someone else being a complete flake. Get all the help you need-you deserve it. I’ll give you a call tomorrow afternoon to catch up! <3
  2. sillyfidget said: Can we have a day soon?! It’s been ages, and I miss my bff. I only work like 3 days next week, soooo let me know when you’re free?? :)
  3. jankoraven posted this